Two.

Babe-O's two, by the way. It happened a couple of weeks ago.

And it turns out that having a kid that's two is waaaaaay more fun than writing a blog about having a kid that's two.

So that's where the blog posts have been lately.  

To bring everybody up to speed, Babe-O can now walk, talk, run, jump (sort of), swing, slide, sing, dance, swear, twirl, eat at the table, discipline the dog, use the potty, dress with style, spot a deer at 50 paces, nod knowingly, fasten her carseat, ride a tricycle, identify a Subaru, organize a dollhouse, unlock an iPhone, pose for the camera and thoroughly charm her daddy at least twice a day.

One of these days, Babe-O will officially become Kiddo.

But not today.  

Two Green Things

When you start with reusable grocery bags and glass milk bottles, you will (1) have nothing to use for picking up dog crap and (2) have nowhere to put used motor oil.

That is all. 

Poop Story

So a little while ago, Babe-O and I were hanging out in her playroom
when she wandered off down the hall. I was a little slow to get myself
up from the floor, so she was out of sight when I heard her saying
exitedly "meat! meat! meat!" I came around to find her pointing at a
pile of dog crap on the floor, still talking, with...her...mouth...full.

I freaked, and shoved both of my hands down her throat like a cartoon
dentist, successfully removing what turned out to be a well-chewed
banana.

It was a close one. (stupid dog)

{Sent from a mobile device.}

Outside!

The weather is finally breaking here, which means we are at last
getting a chance to take Babe-O outside to play.

And she stinking loves it.

When she wants to go she squeals "Ousside! Ousside! Ousside!" which is
awesome when we are getting ready to go and quite not awesome when for
some reason we can't.

The other day we took a long walk (stroller free), watched geese in a
pond and followed some deer tracks over to the woods. Today we sat in
the driveway and did sidewalk chalk, which nicely combined two of Babe-
O's favorite things: "ousside!" and "colors!"

This kid gets more fun every day.

[Sent from a mobile device.]

Yo Amy, how 'bout some Cheerios?

Amy thought it'd be a good idea to teach Babe-O our names: Amy and Josh as opposed to Mommy and Daddy. Babe-O can tell you my name if you ask her, but she never calls me Josh, which is more than fine by me, considering I'm hoping she still calls me Daddy when she's 50.

She will, however, break out an "Amy" or two (or twelve) if her Mom is busy with something and not giving her immediate attention. It is hilarious and always reminds us of the clip below:

"Baaaabe?"

First, two things to know in terms of backstory: I typically call Amy "Sweetie" and she typically calls me "Babe." That first point isn't really relevant. The second one is.

One of the most common manifestations of Babe is at the beginning of a request, generally shouted out from another room in the house, as in "BAAAAABE? Can you bring me a glass of water?" or "BAAAAABE? Are you busy?" or the always popular "Baaaabe? Baaaaabe? BaaaAAAaAaaAAabe!? BABE!"

I digress.

The other day, Amy and Babe-O were upstairs, winding down before bed. I was just on the other side of the bedroom door and overheard Babe-O ask for some cereal. Amy told her to ask Daddy.

Then I heard it. That sweet little voice: "Baaaaaaabe?!"

The next couple of decades are going to be rough.

The Kitchen

A little while ago, I was asked a very reasonable question via Twitter:

@JimmyJames70

@Dad_O what is it that you do in that kitchen night after night to make it so messy? Wait. Maybe I don't want to know…

Innocent enough, but it got me thinking: why the hell is the kitchen so hard to keep clean?

Tonight, I decided to investigate.

Yesterday, Amy and I teamed up to clean everything. All the dishes were done, right down to the silly crap that you have to handwash. That meant that when we went to sleep there was literally not a single dirty dish in the house (and as it turns out, when that is the case, the cupboards don't really have room for all the clean stuff, but that doesn't come up much).

So tonight as I loaded the dishwasher, I took inventory of how many dirty dishes our little family of three managed to accumulate during the approximately 12 hours between when I leave for work and when we put the little one to bed.

Here's the list, again, keeping in mind that we are a household of two adults and one small child.

In no particular order, tonight's dirty dishes include:

• Two sauce pans (with lids)
• One large frying pan
• Two whisks
• A wooden spoon
• Two serving spoons
• One pinch bowl (I think that's what it is)
• Seven glasses
• One kid bowl
• Three kid spoons
• Eight forks
• Eight spoons
• Three steak knives
• A butter knife
• A measuring cup
• Two kid cups (with lids)
• Three Tupperware containers
• One measuring cup
• One snack cup
• Eleven plates
• Eleven bowls
• Eight forks
• Eight spoons
• Three steak knives
• One meat tenderizers

If you do the math, that works out to just over 30 dirty items per person per day. So, @JimmyJames70, to answer your question and mine, that is why the kitchen is so hard to clean.

Although we are, it seems, finally getting a grip on it and I think have managed to cobble together a system that at least gets us back to zero each night. And really, how can we ask for anything more than that?